It All Comes down to Paula…

Seeing as it is the Oscar equivalent for the teenage set and the S/S 07 shows have yet to start, I thought I should give a quick rundown of the ensembles sported at this year’s Teen Choice Awards. Like always, there were some standouts, a bunch of average players, and then a few of our favourite fashion disasters. Unfortunately, I didn’t see any of those tabloid-making, possibly career-breaking, infamous fashion disasters that leave you saying, “what-the-f***-what-she-thinking!” You know what I’m talking about. Think Uma Thurman in robed Christian Lacroix, 2004. Think Gwyneth Paltrow in ill-fitting, pink Ralph Lauren, 1999. Think Mariah Carey, 1991-Present.

Whether it was a mini-dress, a floor sweeping gown, or high-waisted pants, the message was loud and clear: elongation was the goal!

Here’s a rundown of the best and the worst of the night.

The.Best.

Ironic. Quirky. Dramatic.100% Zooey.

Ashley Olsen

This is how to make a shapeless dress look good. Show some leg and add a fish pout! The uninspired shoes, however, do not go unnoticed.

Mischa Barton

Legs to kill for. And she knows it. Plus, patent pumps… ‘nuff said.

Kristen Bell

Classic-meet-trendy. Red lips finish this newcomer’s look perfectly.

The.Worst.

Kristen Cavallari of Laguna-fame

Awful pattern. Awful cut. 2005 called, it wants its style back.

Jessica Simpson.

Is it a prom queen? Is it a marshmallow? No…it’s a plump Jessica Simpson believing she has style. Again.

Paul Abdul

Sorry, Paula, but straight up now…this is ugly! But then again, so is everything else you wear, so why am I surprised? Hey, maybe that’s why you all sit behind a desk on American Idol! No, wait, that’s to cover Simon Cowell’s man breasts.

-peace out!