Dear Britney: Part 2

Oh, Britney, Britney. You never get it right, do you?

You dump Fed-Ex, drop a whole ton of weight, and even manage to wash out the Cheetos stains. And guess what happens? America opens their arms to embrace you. That’s right, Brit Brit, we wanted you back – yes, the slightly Lolita, Louisiana- bred girl that had belly danced and gyrated her way into our hearts way back when. You had the potential to own the biggest comeback story of the year – think Demi Moore if she had actually made a movie or two.

But then we see you sporting this pink bob in Vegas. Why, Britney, why? If your goal was “in cognito”, I think a pair of heels and some well-done extensions would have done a way better job. But let’s face it, fashion was never your strength and frankly, we don’t blame you – you’re from Louisiana, right?

So, I thought I could give you a few pointers to help you get your style on track as you try to rebuild your career.

#1. Not Everything in Vogue is Do-Able
If you ever meet Rachel Zoe, she will likely tell you otherwise. Don’t listen. It’s a lie. Not even Miss Natalia can sport this ‘do.

#2. If it fits Sean Preston, It doesn’t fit You
Times have changed, Brit. Low-riding jeans and belly tops have been replaced by XL sack dresses and monastic collars. Sounds morbid? Maybe, but so is you’re career at the moment.

#3. Call Kevin Paves
I would not normally recommend this, but I’d rather have you look like a poodle with a hairspray addiction than the cracked-out whore from the Trailer Park.